An inquisitive child can generate more questions than a room full of reporters at a press release about a celebrity sex scandal. Here are my feeble attempts to answer a few of the whoppers that were thrown at me this week.
1. Question: “Did God make all the people in the whole world?
- I think: Easy Peasy!
- Answer: “Well, God made the first people, Adam and Eve, and then all of their children and grand children and great grandchildren made up all the people in the whole world.”
2. Question: “Then Who Made God?”
- I think: I got this.
- I say: “No one made God. God has always been alive.”
3. Question: “So God and his mother Mary have always been alive?”
- I think: Crap.
- I say: “Well, no. God was always alive. And then he made the first people, and then after a long, long time, he decided to become a person, and then his mother Mary had him as a baby.”
4. Question: “So does Jesus have powers just like God has powers?”
- I think: Oh boy. Here we go.
- I say: “Well, Jesus and God are the same person. But God isn’t a person, he’s God. But when God decided to be a person for a little while, he became Jesus.”
5. Question: “So Jesus has always been alive?”
- I think: We’re in over our heads, sweetie.
- I say: “Well, God has always been alive, and Jesus is God. But God only became Jesus after a while, so he wasn’t Jesus when he was alive before.”
6. Question: “So why did God make people?”
- I think: Sunday school, 101.
- I say: “God made people because he was lonely, and he wanted someone to talk to.”
7. Question: “So the first people could talk to God? How did they do that?”
- I think: Ugh! This is not going to be completely logically and theologically sound.
- I say: “Well, we can talk to God. When we pray we talk to God. But the first people could talk to God differently, like the way we talk to each other. But then a snake came and tricked them and told them to eat some fruit that God told them not to eat. So God told them they couldn’t live there anymore, and after that people couldn’t talk to God the same way they used to. That’s why Jesus came later. To help people talk to God again.”
8. Question: “What was the snake’s name?”
- I think: Satan? Lucifer? Satan?
- I say: “Satan.”
9. Question: “Is that snake still alive?”
- I think: No.
- I say: “No.”
10. Question: “So Satan is dead?”
- I think: Oh.
- I say: “Well, I think the snake is probably dead, but Satan is not always a snake. He was just a snake for a little while. I think. I guess.”
11. Question: “So why did God tell the first people they couldn’t eat the fruit?”
- I think: Because it was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and he didn’t want them to know right from wrong?
- I say: “Well, the tree had special fruit that made them think about things that God didn’t want them to think about. So he told them not to eat it.”
12. Question: “But why didn’t God want them to think about those things?”
- I think: I don’t know. Ignorance is bliss?
- I say: “Those weren’t healthy things for them to think about, I guess.”
13. Question: “So the fruit was poison?”
- I think: Erm…
- I say: “No. It just wasn’t healthy for their minds.”
14. Question: “So does God heal us every time we get a cut or get hurt?”
- I think: Talk about out of left field…
- I say: “Well, he can heal us, but he made our bodies so they can usually heal all by themselves.”
15. Question: “So if our body can’t heal itself, then God will heal it?”
- I think: Heavy topic much?
- I say: “Well, sometimes. But not all the time.”
16. Question: “So sometimes if we get hurt badly enough, we might die?”
- I think: Are we there yet?
- I say: “Yes, sometimes, but like I said: usually our bodies can heal themselves.”
17. Question: “Will there ever be a day when all people in the whole world die?”
- I think: Species Extinction? Armageddon? Rapture?
- I say: “No. I don’t know. Just, no.”
18. Question: “So God will never let people die?”
- I think: *sigh*
- I say: “Everybody dies sometime, usually when they’re very old.”
19. Question: “Are koala bears dangerous?”
- I think: Wha-huh?
- I say: “Well, they’re are wild animals, so we need to give them plenty of space.”
20. Question: “Why?”
- I think: Nope.
- I say: “We’re here! Everybody out of the car.”