Dear Mama: First Foster Care Placement

May 26, 2016 · 8:15 am

Dear Mama of the sweet little girls in my care,

I love your children.  I didn’t know I would so soon.  I worried about your kids and my kids, tangled together in daily activities. Could I treat them fairly?  How would I react when your youngest pushed my youngest? Or when my son wouldn’t share with your daughter?

I didn’t know how long I would have these children when I picked them up in the middle of the night, my hair and clothes in disarray. They reached for me so eagerly, and I was afraid.   I’m not your mother, I thought to myself, and in the back of my mind lingered the word, yet.  How long does it take to feel like a mother? How long will they be mine?

Dear Mama: First Foster Care Placement

Empty Bikes

We slipped into life together.  By increments—a wrinkled nose here, a bellowing laugh there—I fell in love with them.  When they reached for me with scraped knees or tired eyes, I felt like their mother.  I rocked your baby to sleep while her sisters prayed the nighttime prayers you taught them.  I fought to untangle their long curly hair, knowing you must know the secrets to tame it.

I helped them in their frantic search for treasures to bring to you on their weekly visits.  My heart ached as you kissed and hugged them and handed them back to me afterward.  I saw how your arms moved slowly as you released them, reluctant to let them go.  I saw the ways their eyes followed after you, as we went our separate ways.  And I sat with them in disappointed quiet as we drove home, wishing the visit could have lasted longer.  Wishing it could have lasted forever.

I also thought of you on the day the social workers came and loaded up their big white van with boxes I had spent all night packing.  I told my heart to be still and my voice steady as the girls asked me where they were going and why, and for how long and if they would ever see us again.  “I don’t know,” I said. I don’t know. I don’t know.

“They found a good family for you to stay with” I said, and I smiled, hoping my words were true. I hugged and kissed them, and said, “I love you,” and when they were gone, I went inside and cried.

I don’t know where they went, or for how long, or if I’ll ever see them again.  I don’t know if I can trust someone else to properly care for children that I mothered—that I love. I want them with me.

And I think how you must feel this too.

Dear Mama of the children that we shared, your children are so precious to me.  And my deepest desire and hope for those little girls is that they can soon come home to you.

5 Thoughts on “Dear Mama: First Foster Care Placement

  1. Heidi Eisenhard on May 26, 2016 at 1:39 pm said:

    Heart wrenching and beautiful all together. What a wonderful ministry for you and your family.

  2. Samantha on May 28, 2016 at 7:58 am said:

    Wow indeed. Thank you for putting this into words so tenderly.

  3. Tonya on May 29, 2016 at 1:30 pm said:

    Thank you to the good foster parents out there!! Please always remember that these foster children have families and if their family is fighting for them PLEASE DO NOT over step your bounds . The family Courts are more corrupt than anything I have ever seen .I have passed my ICPC Home study and my FBI-BCI Background checks so we could get my niece and nephew out of foster care and We also have 2 other children (kin) that we adopted from two different states ,so altogether We have passed 3 home studies within the last 15 years but because the foster parents decided they wanted to adopt OUR niece and nephew ,Richmond Kentucky Family Court blocked us in every way from getting heard in court. We filed to intervene and the Judge denied us at every attempt and made it impossible to get OUR FAMILY home. I passed 3 Home studies for 3 different states so that should show, we are capable of taking care of kids but if they place kids back with their family the state makes no money , if they adopt them Out they get TONS of money !! So please do not feel that because the children was put into foster care that all their family is trash because that is not the case!! We love our niece and nephew and this has destroyed our faith in the foster care system, people who should be there to protect children and help families has destroyed ours. I called the police to get help for these 2 children , just put yourself in my shoes. Please educate yourselves about the corruption in children services and the Family courts.

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