Category Archives: Parenting

20 Questions From A 5 Minute Car Ride

August 1, 2014 · 7:45 am

20 Questions From A 5 Minute Car Ride

An inquisitive child can generate more questions than a room full of reporters at a press release about a celebrity sex scandal. Here are my feeble attempts to answer a few of the whoppers that were thrown at me this week.
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Dear Corporate Sock-Makers: I’m On To You

July 24, 2014 · 7:45 am

Dear Corporate Sock-Makers: I'm On To You

Dear Corporate Sock-Making Entities,

I’d like to start by introducing myself.  I’m one of the thirteen kazillion moms who spent a solid thirty minutes sorting through unmatched socks yesterday, and I’d just like to say: I’m on to you.

Several months ago, as I browsed through the isles of the clothing department, and later through endless pages of children’s socks on Amazon, I thought to myself,  How unfortunate that I can’t find a pack of solid white socks that are all the same.  You see, this is all we lowly consumer are really asking of you: to be able to buy sets of socks for our children that are all the same. Read More →

A Series of Unfortunate Events

July 10, 2014 · 7:15 am

A Series of Unfortunate Events

There comes a time in every woman’s life when her car gets rear-ended by a nun.  Okay, maybe not every woman, but that’s what happened to me in May.  Let’s call this Unfortunate Event #1.  Read More →

Dear McDonald’s

May 16, 2014 · 6:45 am

Dear McDonald’s, You and I have a problem.  I know, I know. You get this all the time. But it’s not what you think.  I’m not going to complain about your contribution to the obesity epidemic.  I’m not going to complain about your low employee wages.  I’m not even going to complain about your sexist toys.

Happy Meal

Happy Meal

The truth is, that despite all of these rather glaring criticisms, I’m still a customer. Read More →

He Likes Pink

May 8, 2014 · 6:30 am

Nati Collage

Lily has always known exactly what she wants. She’s very picky about what she wears, and I did not know the definition of the word “preen” until I put this girl in a poofy Christmas dress.  She actually spun around, and that is not something I ever showed her how to do. She doesn’t have a favorite color, but if it’s frilly and sparkly, she’s all over it.  And because the majority of frilly, sparkly things for two-year-old girls are pink, the majority of her wardrobe is pink.  Read More →

Just A Virus

April 29, 2014 · 6:30 am

Dear “Just A Virus”,

You are the worst. Please leave.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. Why are you still here?

It's just a virus.

Sick little boy.

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PSA: Cleaning Your House Will, In Fact, Kill You

April 22, 2014 · 6:30 am

PSA: Cleaning Your House Will, In Fact, Kill You.

We’ve all heard about the dreaded “Mommy Wars”, where stay-at-home and working moms criticize each other for their life choices.  The war has expanded to encompass health-food-obsessed moms vs. moms-who-are-poisoning-their-children, uptight moms vs. lazy moms, etc, etc.  Even as you concede that your parenting choices aren’t the best, you’re still doing it wrong.

You might be tempted to brush off these wars as frivolous and cultivate your self-worth based on something other than angry internet comments, but that would be a mistake. While I agree that some of these mommy wars are ridiculous, the truth is that how your run your household can mean the difference between life and death. I’m not talking about home-spun cloth diapers here.  I’m talking about Skynet. Read More →

In Pictures: Spring

April 11, 2014 · 6:31 am

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The End of the Parenting Honeymoon – My Messy Beautiful

April 8, 2014 · 2:39 am

Nati and Mommy

All good changes have a honeymoon phase – a new marriage, a new job, a new culture, a new baby.  The duration of the honeymoon phase varies widely from one change to the next, and from one person to the next.  When I came home from the hospital with Nati, the parenting honeymoon lasted for about four whole hours.  That was the amount of time it took for my home-with-a-new-baby adrenaline to wear off and for the exhaustion of bringing another human into the world to kick in.

I looked down at my little “bundle of joy”, writhing in his bassinet and screaming at the top of his lungs, and I wished for something different.  I didn’t wish he would be different: I was still in awe of every part of his perfect little body.  But I did wish that the situation was different. Specifically, I wished that I had a pause button and a nanny.
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How to Talk to Little Kids about Sexual Abuse

April 4, 2014 · 6:30 am

How To Talk To Little Kids About Sexual Abuse

[Trigger Warning]

The thing I remember most about that night, is that it was perfect: it was dusk and a salty breeze had just started to chill the air.  I was six and we were on vacation in Mombasa on our way to see the acrobats.  A funny memory popped into my head for no apparent reason and I giggled.

“What’s so funny?” asked my mom, who was walking beside me.

So I told her the strange little story about me and the schoolteacher who lived down the hill from our house.  I told her how I’d seen him in the shower, and how he told me about his private parts and asked me about mine.

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