Tag Archives: Fail

A Tragedy

August 8, 2012 · 4:43 pm

Yohannes is gone.  He’s only on a work trip for a couple days, but I needed something to cheer me up.  What’s that you say? Chocolate? Well, I don’t mind if I do.

So I decided to try to make this:

Grasshopper Mint Chocolate Bark

I thought it looked beautiful.  Heavenly, even.  So I bought all the ingredient and they’ve just been sitting in the cupboard begging for me to run out of other chocolate to eat.  Today was that day.

As I melted the chocolate and stirred the gooey delight with a spatula, I pictured the crisp chunks of minty chocolate goodness.  I knew I would probably eat this whole batch, but the next one I would definitely share.  Maybe I could even make a cinnamon flavored red variety and give it away at Christmas!  I pictured myself smiling and brushing off complements as I bestowed my generous gift — Telling everyone how easy it was, and that they could do it too. (Insert comment about counting my chickens before the eggs hatched.)

In drama speak, a tragedy is a play dealing with the downfall of a great man.  This was a tragedy.  (Well, I’m not sure if I qualify as a great (wo)man, seeing as my grandeur was all in my strangely detailed daydreams of the future.)  As I reached the step where I put mint extract and food coloring into the chocolate it all went to crap.  Apparently there is this baking secret that you are only entitled to know after you have screwed up a batch of desert and google, “What in the heck just happened!”

If water (such as that in mint extract or food coloring) gets into melted chocolate, it will seize.  Seizing is when your melted chocolate turns solid again.  It is still hot, but solid, and impossible to melt again. Basically, what was once beautiful goo is now a clumpy mess.  It was clear that it wouldn’t pour onto the baking sheet, but I thought maybe I could press it down with a spoon.  When that didn’t work, I tried my hands, but did I mention it was still boiling hot?

Seizing

As I was frantically working, Nati was whining for my attention. I growled gently asked him to be patient.  I few minutes later, I found this:

Never been happier that I insisted on a wipe-able surface for our brand new futon.

I guess the green food coloring is good for more than just ruining my chocolate.

In drama speak, this is called comic relief.

This homemaker thing is way out of my league.  Maybe I’ll go to med school, or something easy like that.  And after failing at life at this recipe, I could really use some chocolate.  Who cares if it’s clumpy. :-)

Yum.